I know that prayer seems passive. It seems like this thing that we say to do when things are too tough and we want to look like we’re doing something when we’re not. There is a lot happening in the world. I think it’s fair to say that many of us are battling with the uncertainty of what it means to be an American in 2017. And we hear varying opinions on what the nexts steps are and what the resistance should look like. But I assure you that prayer is one of our greatest weapons of warfare. And I don’t know if you notice, but we are seemingly in a war.
I wish that people weren’t so afraid to try God. I mean so much so that they are living miserable lives, yet still won’t give something a real shot that they’ve never tried. And I mean I get it. I was there. I felt like I had life under control and then I found myself in a dark place with everything to be happy about but not feeling happy about any of it. It was in that space that I thought to myself, “what haven’t I tried?” I had never given God the opportunity to be the true Lord of my life. The moment that I submitted to His will, some painful things happened, some things from my life that I desperately wanted to cling to faded away, but what I found in the midst of confusion and falling apart was invaluable.
“There is nothing worse than a fake Christian.” - Joyce Meyer.
Now there are not a lot of us that would actually feel like Joyce was talking to us. But when I heard her say this listening to her sermon from the Code Orange Revival at Elevation Church, it stuck. It made me wonder, is every version of myself aligning with that of God?
I don’t think there is ever much that someone can really say to convince you to believe in God. Sure seeds get planted, testimonies shared and the like, but ultimately for many of us, it comes down to the moment when you have tried everything in your own strength, you realize the burden is too heavy and you cry out for something or someone to help you.
I remember as a young girl going to the 7am service with my Mom at Triumph Baptist Church in Philadelphia. We would get dressed and get on our way without my dad or brother in tow. My dad, probably working or about to head to work and my brother probably still asleep. We would walk up the stone steps, hoping that we were in time to actually get into the sanctuary instead of being sent to the “overflow room.”
I had no idea what to expect. I’ve always wanted to attend a large Christian conference but this was the first I’ve been to of this stature. This was the very first year on the 20th Anniversary that Bobbie Houston of Hillsong Church based in Australia brought her Colour Conference to America. Close to 5,000 or so women gathered in Madison Square Garden in NYC full of expectation.
My husband is a recovering drug addict. I say, “recovering” because although he doesn’t use drugs anymore, he’s still learning how to not behave like an addict. You may not know what I mean by that and maybe it sounds harsh to you, but I promise I don’t mean anything bad by it. My husband spent years creating a habit of disregarding empathy for personal protection. He’s better at taking care of his own needs than he is other people. It’s just the way it is.
I had a down week. And it was crazy because I was so up before that. Have you ever had those days where you feel like a dark cloud is following you? That’s exactly what I was experiencing that week. I was mulling over everything I didn’t have or haven’t done. I was feeling so “Woe is me,” and it reminded me of who I used to be. A person who felt sorry for themselves and like they had nothing going for them, but honestly had so much more than so many people that they should be on their knees thanking God every minute of every day. And it was rooted in external and material things. Though I was praying, I couldn’t shake it and then I realized that every single day is a fight for your life and livelihood.