I find, so many people talk about wanting relationships, but like the epitome of self-sabotage, Molly, from Insecure on HBO, we’re worried about all the wrong things and blaming it on everyone else.
We see her aimlessly chasing relationships based on status, meanwhile the guy that is into her without the degree, gets major shade. AND she’s a clinger ladies and gentleman so she probably could have found love with some of the “prestigious” guys too but anyway *eye-roll* I am a self-professed Twitter rat and so I saw some things sliding across my timeline that I was like hold up, let’s talk about this.
There seemed to be some discussion about whether or not someone could date a man without a degree and I felt a little steam radiating from my ears. Listen, I get it. We all have standards and characteristics that we are looking for in our partners. I would think you were maybe a bit crazy if you didn’t. But to base whether you would date someone on a degree was a little butt-backward to me. If you’re offended, stop reading.
CLICK TO TWEET /// To base whether you would date someone on a degree is a little butt-backward to me.
All I can visualize when people talk about degrees are how much debt people that have them are in. Your man may have more money at his disposal if he dodged the bullet of college if we are being honest. Somehow we have decided that “degrees” determine our worth and I am here to say NOT, because I like to challenge my readers to think about their true worth. And somehow many of my post relate to music and this one brings up Kanye West of course. HAHA. “ … Because when I die buddy, you know what’s going to keep me warm? That’s right buddy, those degrees.”
Sure, our degrees give us access to certain positions. A bachelor’s is a lot more like a high school diploma from our parents’ time. BUT, I can honestly say that my degree really was just a piece of darn paper. A VERY EXPENSIVE one. I was pretty disappointed when it arrived in the mail. When I think about paying down my debt, I don’t even count my student loans because the assumption is that I will just be paying for those the rest of my life. A sad reality unless we can really get this writing popping like I pray about. My phone is always available for your call Oprah. But nonetheless, if I knew what the hell I actually wanted to do with my life, I would have rathered work on that for four years, than spend so much money on going to school.
I was the person who went to school because that was the natural next step. But I am not doing what I went to college for and I wish someone would have just helped me explore what I was into a little more. Was that supposed to be the job of a guidance counselor? ANYWAY, for most of the things that I do today, no one is banging down my door asking to see my degree as evidence.
I don’t want to discredit degrees. I have one and I am sure it mattered to someone, mostly my parents that I got one. They’re great and I admire many of the people that continue their education. But when I hear people begin to talk about salary and degree minimums when it comes to who they will date, I am more understanding of why so many people on my timeline are single and clueless. Not that finding a partner is your most important undertaking in life. But many people do want to find someone, but their idea of what will make them happy is totally inaccurate. I bet you there are plenty of basketball wives that would tell you so with their men that have big salaries and probably degrees.
The first point to make here is that your degree doesn’t define you or your intelligence. Someone who starts their own successful business and learns through experience is just as qualified as someone who spent four years in business school. So what a person doesn’t have a degree. Are they smart? Are they motivated? Progressive? Ambitious?
The second point here is that successful relationships hinge on SO much more than material things. Yes, I understand we don’t want no pigeons or scrubs. But do we want someone who is a great father or mother? Someone who will support our dreams? Someone who will do their best to make us happy? Someone who is willing to sacrifice and compromise?”
I’m sorry but your list of qualifications ain’t ish in regard to what really matters when you are in the trenches with another person. Do they pray? Like come on now. At one of my Dear Love Brunches, I encouraged the ladies there to think about 5 of their CORE values. We make these laundry lists of things that we want another person to have, yet, we skip what’s most valuable. And often we are making this list that doesn’t also apply to us. But that’s another blog post. At the end of the day, NO ONE is going to be able to hit every single thing we think a person should have. There are no perfect people. And no you don’t have to go find a broke man or woman either. But when you focus on REAL qualities like a person that is willing to grow, that person will NEVER be a broke.
CLICK TO TWEET /// When you focus on REAL qualities like a person that is willing to grow, that person will NEVER be broke.
Stop it with your salary and degree mumbo jumbo. Or keep going with it but don’t complain when your friends have found out that money and degrees are not the end all and be all to life and love and happiness.
I know I sound harsh, but it’s just like come on people. Sure if you are six-figured out and #bosschick of the decade, your needs may be different and I understand that. But I think about the love that I share with my husband and I am thankful that God chose him for me and me for him. We don’t have it all, YET! But he is an AMAZING man. And all that we have grown into together, I can’t imagine if in the beginning he was like, nah she work at a restaurant. Or if I was like nah, he ain’t making that change. Really?
Either learn what’s important or keep complaining like Molly when really, it’s you boo boo. It’s you.
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