I was driving home one day with the radio playing and when I zoned into what was actually playing, it was Tamela Mann’s song “Best Days.” I listened to the lyrics, “Never knew the pain would let me stand, Never thought my tears would go away, Till I found Jesus, I never thought I’d be in this place.” Quickly enough, though I never heard the song before I was singing along. Each of the words ringing so true and by the end of it all I was in tears.
It’s funny how the spirit can take a hold of you in that way. I SOOOOOO related to that idea. I never thought I’d be in this place and I’m GLAD I’m living my life in this place! Wow. Though I’d never really expressed it that way, that’s exactly what I would say about my spiritual walk with God over these past few years. I was not a person you would have found on a church pew five years ago, but I can’t tell you how happy I am about making that decision in my life.
My life is far from perfect. I try to say that as much as possible with the new age world of highlight reels we call social media. But my life is soooo good and I attribute that to my relationship with God. Yes I’ve done a lot of personal growth and learned a lot as well, but it has really been God’s grace that changed my life. I find so much more peace and joy in my life these days. I am better equipped to deal with the challenges that I face and I’m so much more confident in who I am called to be in this world. That sense of purpose and assignment and impact, has really made a tremendous impact on how I view my life.
And I never thought I’d be here. Never thought that I would be the person telling you, “Hey, try God, He really changed my life.” I would have probably even laughed at you if you told me this is where I would be years ago. It was so far from what I was thinking. But everything that I experienced to get where I am was so purposeful, such an important part of my journey to even be able to appreciate the space that I have come to.
There are so many opinions about Christians these days and I do my best to let people have their moments. But the people that I have met have undoubtedly showed me the reach of God’s unfailing love. They have not been perfect people, which often people expect of Christians for some crazy reason, but they have been people on the same path working to become more like Christ each and every day. My life is better because I know God. I find council, I find solace, and I find comfort in His word. My prayer is that whatever you are doing, works for you at the end of the day. But I will always talk about the goodness of God and what His presence has meant in my life.
My hope is that when you are searching for something, for that peace, for that love that so often people are longing for, that you don’t let previous experience, or church folk or whatever turned you away from God stand in the way of reconnecting with Him. God does not care how far you’ve gone, how much you have taken His name in vain or any of that stuff. When you come with a repenting heart, you will never be able to separate yourself from His love. He will be there, waiting for you with open arms and I promise you that when you truly open your heart and allow Him in, your life will never be the same.
So what has this place been for me? This place has meant learning to really love and appreciate myself. This space has meant being able to run to God when I am not sure who would actually have my answers. This space has meant waking up and dancing because even if I have nothing else, I have the love of my significant other and a warm place to sleep and enough money to buy food to eat. This space has meant connecting with my Pastors Lester and Rochelle Brown to really go deeper into God’s word and learn more about His love for us. This space has shown me that I am not actually the master of my fate and that I could alleviate the burden of carrying the world on my shoulders. This space saved me from feeling lost and a mindset of lack that I was drowning in.
It’s funny how someone can articulate the exact climate of your heart and that’s what that song did for me. Those lyrics painted the picture of my experience in this walk so vividly. I never thought that I’d be here, but I am really glad that I am. Can’t imagine where I would be if I wasn’t and I will never go back to who I used to be.