I never wanted a wedding. I didn’t grow up dreaming of the white dress and the Ken doll figure in a tux waiting for me at the altar. I mean my parents are married, but they eloped, so maybe the lack of wedding pictures to look through at family gatherings added to it. It all just seemed silly to me. The dresses were ugly and women got so crazy that I didn’t event understand why the men wanted to marry them after their behavior. As I got older, I was in weddings, I even worked at the Villanova Conference Center at tons of weddings and still it did nothing for me.
It was in the moment of the wedding rehearsal of a friend’s wedding that it finally clicked. I don’t know, maybe it was the resonance of people so close to my age group or simply growing up or being with a man I actually knew wanted to get married eventually. But it touched me. Listening to my friend sing, while the bride to be walked down the aisle and seeing them do it their way – it all just made so much sense to me then.
And now here I am, newly engaged and I can finally see myself there. It feels so real to me now and I look forward to putting together something really special to celebrate our decision to spend the rest of our lives together. I still think that weddings are ridiculous! LOL. I hate how people try to rob you based on it being a “wedding” and charging you fifteen grand for a dress, I still can’t wrap my head around that. However, I have learned that a wedding is what you make it. You get to make the rules!
I want to create something special, something intimate, and something to share with just the closest people to me. Something that we can look back on and show our kids one day that doesn’t turn into a circus or spectacle. Little ideas are popping up in my head and I can’t wait to get going.
I guess it took being in this moment for it to really click. He made it real for me and I am so appreciative of that. Sometimes as a new age woman I feel like you’re not supposed to care so much about being someone’s wife. Get your career first, blah, blah, blah. But I do care, I care that he thinks enough of me to make me his wife. That still holds weight in my book. I’m learning to be comfortable with some of my more traditional values.
I am so adamant about letting go of what society tries to get you to believe is important about marriage. The ring is a material thing. It’s nice but to be focused on what it looks like, what carat, and what not, I will never understand. I have a beautiful ring, but honest to God he could have pulled anything out of that box and I still would have cried like a baby like I did. Here was this man saying, you’re it. You’re the one I want forever. That remains more important to me than a stupid wedding, ring, or over the top proposal. Do you know what type of submission that takes for a man? Husbands are not falling out of the sky these days people!
I know that marriage is not as important for many people in today’s society. But it is for me. Even though I never saw my parents’ wedding, I saw a marriage. I saw the work that it took to raise a family. I saw the work it took to provide a safe space for two kids growing up in a tough city like Philadelphia. I saw the chaos and I saw the patience and forgiveness that it takes to co-exist with another person for over 30 years. That was my focus, to find someone who wouldn’t give up on me on the days when I had given up on myself. To find someone who would be a father to his kids, not just a baby sitter. I had my heart set on a man that would put me first even at times denying his needs and desire. And that’s what I found.
And it’s no fairytale. We work hard at loving each other. We keep God in the midst of our relationship, we fellowship and praise God together and we make this thing work. And when I think about 30 years from now, I smile thinking of all the life we will have lived and the places we will have traveled. And well, that vision has just always meant more to me than a 5-hour soiree. Though I look forward to that milestone, that moment of saying I do, I am most looking forward to a lifetime.
Have you been putting the emphasis on the wrong things in relationships? Are you ready to open up to what love truly entails?