I wish that people weren’t so afraid to try God. I mean so much so that they are living miserable lives, yet still won’t give something a real shot that they’ve never tried. And I mean I get it. I was there. I felt like I had life under control and then I found myself in a dark place with everything to be happy about but not feeling happy about any of it. It was in that space that I thought to myself, “what haven’t I tried?” I had never given God the opportunity to be the true Lord of my life. The moment that I submitted to His will, some painful things happened, some things from my life that I desperately wanted to cling to faded away, but what I found in the midst of confusion and falling apart was invaluable.
I don’t think there is ever much that someone can really say to convince you to believe in God. Sure seeds get planted, testimonies shared and the like, but ultimately for many of us, it comes down to the moment when you have tried everything in your own strength, you realize the burden is too heavy and you cry out for something or someone to help you.
I had no idea what to expect. I’ve always wanted to attend a large Christian conference but this was the first I’ve been to of this stature. This was the very first year on the 20th Anniversary that Bobbie Houston of Hillsong Church based in Australia brought her Colour Conference to America. Close to 5,000 or so women gathered in Madison Square Garden in NYC full of expectation.
My husband is a recovering drug addict. I say, “recovering” because although he doesn’t use drugs anymore, he’s still learning how to not behave like an addict. You may not know what I mean by that and maybe it sounds harsh to you, but I promise I don’t mean anything bad by it. My husband spent years creating a habit of disregarding empathy for personal protection. He’s better at taking care of his own needs than he is other people. It’s just the way it is.
I had a down week. And it was crazy because I was so up before that. Have you ever had those days where you feel like a dark cloud is following you? That’s exactly what I was experiencing that week. I was mulling over everything I didn’t have or haven’t done. I was feeling so “Woe is me,” and it reminded me of who I used to be. A person who felt sorry for themselves and like they had nothing going for them, but honestly had so much more than so many people that they should be on their knees thanking God every minute of every day. And it was rooted in external and material things. Though I was praying, I couldn’t shake it and then I realized that every single day is a fight for your life and livelihood.
In the beginning stages of our faith, we are often looking to be led in the word which is perfectly understandable. For many of us, we have heard bits and pieces of the Bible, but when we finally dig in, we need a lot of help learning the stories, deciphering how much stuff we’ve actually learned out of context and the like. As we grow in our faith, we begin to realize that all though it’s great to be taught the word of God from Pastors and leaders in the church that there is a whole lot more work that we need to do on our end. That work involves learning to study the word for ourselves.
It’s interesting how you can think something means one thing and then have a completely different revelation about it shortly after. I had the awesome opportunity to hear from Dr. Dee Dee Freeman on Saturday, Jan. 30 at an event hosted by Heaven’s Gate ministry and it completely blew my mind. If you know anything about Dr. Dee Dee, you know that she is a bold woman of God and as some of you say, she was in the building snatching edges all around. She helped me realize that this is my year of bold faith and big prayers, but in more ways than one.
What we say will manifest. Good or bad. This is something that I know to be true because I have seen its power. Most of the things I have found myself meditating on over and over in my life have happened. Period. This past week I had such a great convo with the bubbly Ayana Iman who is a mommy, blogger and life coach. Our conversation was casual in nature, just to get to know one another as we were introduced online. Within that talk, I was reminded of the importance of affirmation because Ayana is a huge advocate for it and helps coach people with their own. It’s not something I always think about, but it is something that has really become a habit in my life. For me, most often it is in the form of a confession derived from scripture in the Bible. And so I wanted to take some time today to talk about its importance and maybe help you write some of your own.