For this podcast I decided to talk to the love of my life. That's right, Mr. Thomas ladies and gents! The intro of "Love on Purpose" starts with an important quote from this guy. He was the first person to really introduce me to the concept that love is a choice. After 5 years and change of dating and 4 months (we both had it wrong in the podcast) of marriage, I thought he may have some wisdom to share with you guys!
I love the website Mater Mea which talks all about the intersection of career and motherhood. I first stumbled upon it after seeing an interview with writer and maker, Alex Elle. I was amazed by beautiful images that showcased women of color in this sensitive way that you just don’t see too often. So I reached out to Anthonia Akitunde, the founder, initially thinking she was a mother herself! HA! To talk all about familial love ... Though she is not yet a mom, she is engaged and about to embark on the beautiful journey of marriage with her fiance and we got the opportunity to talk all about her pending nuptials and her experience in getting to a healthier definition of love in her own life.
Successful relationships take two, willing participants, period. This is what I know. I know that no matter how much I am learning about how to be a better woman, my husband also needs to be learning what it takes to be a better man. So often, these relationships are one-sided, and it’s time we stop fooling ourselves into thinking someone is as invested in us as we are in them, when they’ve made it clear that they are not. Have you ever heard the saying “trying to fit a square peg in a round hole?” That’s what it sounds like when I hear people talk about relationships that clearly they are the only one in.
I remember as a young girl going to the 7am service with my Mom at Triumph Baptist Church in Philadelphia. We would get dressed and get on our way without my dad or brother in tow. My dad, probably working or about to head to work and my brother probably still asleep. We would walk up the stone steps, hoping that we were in time to actually get into the sanctuary instead of being sent to the “overflow room.”
My husband is a recovering drug addict. I say, “recovering” because although he doesn’t use drugs anymore, he’s still learning how to not behave like an addict. You may not know what I mean by that and maybe it sounds harsh to you, but I promise I don’t mean anything bad by it. My husband spent years creating a habit of disregarding empathy for personal protection. He’s better at taking care of his own needs than he is other people. It’s just the way it is.
Love is something that so many of us say that we want. I’m talking intimate relationships here. We’re in the weirdest space where love seems hard to find so many people kind of shrug it off. Yet, deep down they still really desire it. I guess in the words of Kev Carr, love is still very relevant. Whether it seems like it is easily obtainable in today’s dating pool or not, a key factor in really allowing yourself to receive love is to be open to it.
It’s funny, many times right before I am about to begin a post like this I find myself lacking in the love department. But that’s the thing about love, there are surely highs and lows and in-betweens and all those things. So at the time that I wrote down this topic down, I am sure that I had a very clear idea of where it was headed and now I have no idea where we may go. This is real life blogging right here! Ha!
I feel like it’s no secret that African-American women are often portrayed as strong. For better or for worse, as a culture we have been through insane adversity, yet manage to still keep our heads on straight, maintain families and obtain steadily rising success in our professional endeavors as well. Though slowly but surely I feel like we are learning that the jig is up and that we know that we can’t always handle the weight of the world, I still think that sometimes in our relationships we can confuse being strong for actually being difficult.