Love is something that so many of us say that we want. I’m talking intimate relationships here. We’re in the weirdest space where love seems hard to find so many people kind of shrug it off. Yet, deep down they still really desire it. I guess in the words of Kev Carr, love is still very relevant. Whether it seems like it is easily obtainable in today’s dating pool or not, a key factor in really allowing yourself to receive love is to be open to it.
It’s no secret that the beginning of relationships are pure bliss. Sometimes you don’t even want to go out, you just want to be in the presence of that person. Everything they do and say is “so cute,” you talk on the phone for hours, and your friends and family grow weary that every conversation with you includes reference to that person. This time period varies. Some people are in this clouded state for a couple weeks, others a few months or maybe even the first year or so. But eventually, real life sinks in and we have to figure out how to survive after the butterflies.
One thing you will always hear me say on this blog is that relationships are not easy. I repeat, relationships are not easy! But at the end of the day, most of us are looking for that type of companionship in life and so sometimes it takes giving various dating situations a go. Some that aren’t so great and some that could possibly lead to finding the love of your life. What I hate to see, is when a relationship goes south and a person becomes bitter.
I never wanted a wedding. I didn’t grow up dreaming of the white dress and the Ken doll figure in a tux waiting for me at the altar. I mean my parents are married, but they eloped, so maybe the lack of wedding pictures to look through at family gatherings added to it. It all just seemed silly to me. The dresses were ugly and women got so crazy that I didn’t event understand why the men wanted to marry them after their behavior. As I got older, I was in weddings, I even worked at the Villanova Conference Center at tons of weddings and still it did nothing for me.
I saw someone post recently about “women raising their boyfriends.” It immediately made me think of another conversation where I was talking to someone who had a similar complaint. Her phrasing was “I don’t want to have to teach him how to be a man.” But I’ve found, that not only have I helped my partner grow as a man, he has also taught me a lot about being a woman.
So when I think of love unplugged, I think of exploring love disconnected from what you’ve seen on TV, from the example your parents provided, and disconnected from the idea that it will be a fairytale. I am sure there is someone out there that feels their love is a fairytale but I haven’t met them yet, so I am going to go with it. We have to be able to define love with our partner and through the example that God has set for us.
And yes it’s really hard to do. But at the end of the day, it’s essential to having a healthy relationship. When we have so many outside sources as our standard, we are setting ourselves up for a more challenging course. Having expectations, wants and needs are all great, but I know that plenty of us have overlooked what could have been amazing love because we were looking for a fairytale and not reality.
The biggest challenge to overcome in many romantic relationships is the fact that for the most part men and women think really differently. This genetic disposition to view things from very different perspectives showcases just how important effective communication is. And I don’t know about you, but I still struggle in this area.
I tend to think that things should be evident or that I don’t have to say what’s wrong, he should know. Well very quickly I learned that’s stupid. Ha! Sorry to be so harsh but it really is. No one on this planet is a mind reader – I mean unless you believe Professor X is real, but for the most part – the only way the rest of us are going to understand another person’s feelings is if we are told in a way that we can digest.