Self-Care in or Out of a Relationship

Self-care has been this huge buzzword lately. But like anything that gains social buzz, it’s important to define what it actually means and sift through all the self-proclaimed gurus that reason they are an expert on the subject. I am not now nor have I ever claimed to be an expert on anything really, but in our last Dear Love Brunch where we discussed Settling vs. Compromise, it seemed to be an underlying topic that needed to be brought to the forefront.

Maintaining Self Care

Photo: Createher Stock

Often times, self-care gets pegged with selfishness and that’s just not the case. In a fast paced world where we are being pushed and pulled and spun around simultaneously, it’s important to remember to take care of one’s self. Simply put, we have been neglecting our physical, emotional and mental well-being in this generation.

Not only do we come second to our careers many times, it’s widely known that we often come last in regard to our relationships or in pursuit of them. But I have maintained that it’s important to understand self-care both in and out of a relationship. Many think it’s easier when you’re single, which may be true, but we often neglect ourselves then as well. And some may think it’s selfish when in a long-term relationship or marriage. But at the end of the day, relationships take whole and fulfilled people when we talk about them being healthy experiences. God, Self, others. When this is the order a lot more in our lives falls into place.

So what are some tips on maintaining self-care whether in or out of a relationship?

  • Maintaining friendships. I don’t know about you, but having great friends and associates can definitely add to your life in a great way. Having them around to let your hair down with and enjoy experiences in life together is key. Sometimes friendships suffer when we get into relationships or get that big promotion at work. But it’s essential in regard to self-care to have a tribe of people around you to encourage, uplift, and have some fun with in life. Keep up with your friends. Even if it’s not hanging out for hours on end, be sure to shoot a text, tell them you’re thinking about them and that you hope they’re having an amazing day. Be there for them and they’ll be there for you. Good friends.
  • Time For Yourself. This is the simplest thought, but overlooked so often. Sometimes it takes getting up at the crack of dawn so that you can have some alone time with your own thoughts before the man or children or whoever else starts invading your process. IT is ESSENTIAL. Take that 30 minutes to get your nails done or take a drive or journal in the park. You are the responsible for you. Get to know you, your thoughts, your fears, your likes and dislikes in those moments alone with your inner self. It will make you better in all your relationships.  And block out the guilt of the grind. The thought that somehow you need to be doing something important at every minute of every day.
  • Feeding Yourself Spiritually. I am better because my prayer and spiritual life are better. I am in tune with God. I hear from him, I cry out to him and I consult him in my life. I am not telling you that you have to believe in what I believe in, but I am telling you to believe in something other than yourself. When the weight of the world is on your shoulders alone, it is no wonder you are crumbling under the pressure. Knowing your significance to God, will help you understand just how valuable you should be to yourself.

I’d love for you to join us on Sunday, March 20th for the next Dear Love Brunch in Philadelphia as we discuss much more about the importance of self-care. This quarterly gathering features an intimate discussion, a loving and open community, and amazing food and mimosas! Very limited space and half of the seats are already gone.

To reserve your spot, click here and make sure to check out after registering! I can’t wait to get together with you and continue to encourage one another in love.

Nneka Okona will also host a free webinar on the topic. She attended the last Dear Love Brunch and will have some great insight as well. Check out her info here.

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