Sometimes I hate my fro and I feel like it is taboo to say so. I mean we are in this movement of natural hair – there’s products, fancy hair bloggers and events and it’s supposed to be a lot easier now than it’s ever been to be natural. Right? Well I honestly am not always so sure about that.
As much as there is to support women who have literally just returned back to the original way God made them, I notice that there is still a certain part of the narrative that’s missing. What about us with the nappy hair? Are we just as marketable as Taren Guy and Naptural and many of the other natural hair phenoms that clearly have curly hair, but not quite the kinky texture I fight with on the daily basis? Not that there is anything wrong with them by the way! I follow them both. But ...
I mean I even just eventually stopped searching YouTube tutorials because it seemed like all the girls with kinky hair had it cut short and all the girls with long hair had luxurious textures unlike my own. My hair is long, thick, and KINKY. And honestly sometimes a nightmare. If I am being honest there have literally been days I have been in the bathroom fighting back tears trying to whip this hair into shape. And yes you may say “dramatic” hahaha – I’ll own that. But that’s how it felt. I have felt myself murmur the words “I wish I had more manageable hair.”
But it’s not every single day, so don’t get me wrong. I know you may be thinking, “Well girl head back to the creamy crack and stop crying.” But I don’t want to put anything in my hair that is possibly linked to fibroids in black women and that has left me scabbed up on multiple occasions. It just doesn’t seem safe. But I am trying my best to live in a world that constantly leaves room for doubt in the narrative of what true beauty is. We accept kinky hair but only a certain type of kinky hair …
And so I laugh anytime someone gives me the backhanded compliment of telling me how brave I am to actually go out in public with my naps in all their glory for the world to see. I laugh because if they only knew how uncourageous I feel many days before I walk out the house but simply shrug and try to put my best face forward, accepting that this is just what I have been given. I often joke with my mom that I got this hair to keep me humble. You can’t have it all right? j/k.
But seriously it’s a struggle. I’m over people thinking that everyone with natural hair is just confident in their appearance every day. I have some really good days and some days where I simply say “Oh well” and walk out of the door. I could go back to relaxers but I can’t imagine. And eventually I would like to budget for hair appointments every two weeks, but it’s not in the cards at the moment. I have bigger priorities. Eventually I will save my coins for one of those Heat Free Hair Wigs though, wait on it!
I know that my hair doesn’t define me and that I am beautiful regardless of what I see on a billboard or E! News, or glorified on Twitter and Instagram. But I still have some work to do. I have to get really good with knowing it so that my future daughter knows the same truths, not just from me telling her, but from living it.
I’m not brave for rocking my nappy hair. Stop approaching people like that by the way, it really is a backhanded compliment. LOL. I am simply someone who decided enough was enough after dying and relaxing my hair too close together in 2008. I tried something that was so different from everything that I was used to. Straight, long, fried, hair. I just made a decision and now I’ve been in it so long, I don’t think I can ever go back.
Even this post is a step because the word nappy is not even allowed in my house. Ha! I just want to be the voice that says, yes natural hair is great but sometimes i still struggle with appreciating it all the time. I'm growing to the point where I can say yes, my hair is nappy and still beautiful. I am still beautiful. I am enough. I hope you know that you are too.
Let's talk about it, is it sometimes a struggle to be confident with your natural hair even if for the most part you love it? Am I the only one?
This post is part of The Layers of Beauty Tour created by GG Renee of All the Many Layers. Follow the tour through the blogs of 26 women exploring the complexities of womanhood and beauty from A to Z. Click here to keep up with each post and enter to win a giveaway package of goodies for your mind, body and soul. #LayersAtoZTour