I’d like to at some point feel like the CEO of my life. Is that too much to ask?
Is there ever a point where it feels like you are in control of something and not feeling completely inadequate from day to day? I mean you beast your to-do list but realize you neglected your family. You spend time with family and then realize you neglected your chores. Are there people in this world who feel like they run their lives efficiently in peace? Or have others simply learned how to not be great at everything all at once and move on from it?
Therein lies the struggle. I feel like I am all over the place on most days. My brain power is split between the important 9 to 5 work that I need to complete and the 24/7 career that I am trying to build. This, you see leaves very little time for the things like actually buying some new clothes to replace the 5 year old ones in your closet or actually giving your significant other the time and attention they need. Nevermind actually calling and checking in on a non-immediate family member. There’s NEVER enough time!
I personally can’t tell you how many days I have been hoping to actually drop some towels in the laundry. But our generation has taken can’t stop, won’t stop to a whole new level. But in reality, it’s all about processes. When I had the best grasp on my daily schedule, it was because I was getting up at 6am and that gave me three hours I didn’t have before. Queue winter in Philadelphia and I can barely get up between 7-8am.
What I am learning though is that it’s totally up to us to tell the ungrateful, loud, pestering voice in our head to simply shut up! The falsehood that we tell ourselves is that we’re a mess. Meanwhile, all these things still get done. Sure it may not be graceful or pretty or anything to put Instagram, but the reality is, it gets done.
Some of us may not ever have a pretty process. I couldn’t take a random picture of my desk on most days without scaring small children. But the reality is that the process is not pretty. It’s hard work. There is no team. No cook. No maid. No stylist. It’s you. Just you and until you climb as high as you’re trying to go, that’s all you got. But you can make the most out of it. It’s all about prioritizing. What I have been lacking over the last few months is the sense of priority.
It’s hard to put us first. I mean seriously, self-care for me lately has been taking enough time to actually put lotion on. What we don’t realize is how important it is to sometimes put some of the personal organization in the mix of the business. Sure our spreadsheets are fire, but the sheets are not going to change themselves. Lol. So we have to make a decision. We have to set five alarms if we have to. And we have to get to the business of managing our lives, not just our businesses.
The home is the first ministry. So it’s no wonder I have felt out of whack. When home is not taken care of first, nothing you do will seem like enough. What’s 5,000 blog views if you can’t make sure there’s food in the house from week to week?
Grace, not perfection right? I want to feel like I have my life in order. But I have also learned that the things we want bad enough, we do. So here’s finding more of the motivation to be the CEO of my life. Maybe to write new posts in a clean workspace or to actually remember to empty desk trash can every Friday. Here’s to deciding not to feel inadequate another day but to actually making the intention of who I want to be, line up with the action. At least in the areas I feel the most lack.
I am not inadequate. Honestly, this post is probably the result of feeling worthless over the last few days from being sick. We can’t even get sick anymore. Where sick days used to feel like gold because we got to stay home from school or work. A sick day feels like the world slipping through the grasp of your weakened fingers. But it is not the end of the world. It’s what happens when you’re underpaid, overworked, and desperately in a pursuit of a dream.