I was browsing through the pages of my website to see what updates I wanted to make this month.
It seems like from week to week I gain more clarity about streamlining my online presence. It’s like you start out just wanting to write. Then you see that blogging is about more than writing. Then you realize if you ever want to write full-time, you need to diversify your hustle and before you know it, you’re slightly off the beaten path. But that’s a little beside the point.
The point is, as I scrolled through the different pages, I smiled. I smiled at this website, this corner of the internet that I have created. It’s mine and it brings me more joy than any job I have had so far. But it’s the one that I work the most hours in, the one that wakes me up out of my sleep and keeps me up at night, the one that I can’t really turn off. It’s overbearing and it doesn’t even have health insurance. But it makes me extremely happy.
I’ve worked my butt off probably over the last three years to know what the heck I am even doing here and I have to say that I’m pleased. Each page of this website just represents that work. It looks good (to me at least). Finally it feels like when you come here, you know exactly what you’re getting. That took a lot of wandering aimlessly to do. And it fuels this desire that in some world, I may actually be able to do what I love, solely, for a living one day.
And not in this 9 to 5 shaming kind of way. Listen, a job is great. It’s steady, it has benefits, but I think that one of the biggest disconnects for me currently is feeling a lack of purpose in my position. The metrics don’t give me a great feeling of accomplishment. I like my job. But it just doesn’t give me any types of the feels that your emails give me when you are happy about my journaling challenge or when you comment that a blog really helped you figure something out or when you schedule a session with me because you think I can help. That. That’s a different kind of thing and I am addicted to it.
I love making up journaling prompts. I love to update my site. I love to make things I’ve learned about writing and being a writer into comprehensive courses and ebooks. I ADORE how much I have learned about designing. Like I get legit giddy here people. And that feeling, I am willing to spend my whole life chasing. And you may have that in your 9 to 5. If you do, that’s amazing.
For me though, it’s in my 5-9pm and my 6am-9am. It’s behind my personal laptop screen. It’s in the pages of my books. It consumes me. And there is not much in life that I have let consume me that I wasn’t able to achieve. And so, I’ve learned to be patient. All the “Life is too short, quit and live your dream.” That’s not what you are going to get from me. Lol. Be responsible. Have a savings.
But I will say that I feel so close that I can taste that farewell email. I hope they’ll allow me to say that I’ve finally caught up with that dream I’ve been chasing on my off hours from this place. That I am no longer living a double life, but I am fully committing.
That desire, it will take you far. We all deserve to be able to do what we love and make a living from it. And sometimes I am just reminded of how possible it is just by flipping through the pages of my own website. Being my own inspiration. Reminding myself of how far I’ve come and that everything that I have dreamed is indeed attainable.
I know that in today’s time everyone likes to make it look like you need them to get to your next level. But sometimes you just need to spend some time with you. Revel in your achievements and know that with God’s help and your motivation, you will get what’s for you. I guess I have been looking to others for so long and I realized in that moment of browsing that I may actually know what the heck I’m doing too.
I just want to encourage you to keep doing the work. Because although you will constantly evolve and change, it is something to look back and say, wow, I am on to something. I’m close.
What keeps you motivated to keep working towards that thing that you love to do?