I love the Dear Love Brunch because each time there are new ladies and new perspectives which is great! This time around, we talked about compromise vs. settling. One thing I have noticed is that often times, people think they want to be in relationships, but have no idea the amount of compromise and selflessness they actually take. So we got into it. How do we know if we are compromising as a regular part of relationships or settling?
So first off, we asked, “Are they related?” Well most often, we find ourselves in situations where in relationships we have to compromise some of our own ways of thinking, of doing things, and some of our priorities. But how can we differentiate from a situation where we are being healthy in our ability to compromise or when we are settling for a situation below our value.
These were some instances where we evaluated whether we were compromising or settling.
- Are we setting aside our career for the right man that will eventually help us find our way back to it?
- Are we able to make our differences work or are they constantly a point of contention?
- Are we able to trust our partner enough to let them lead in the household?
- Are we giving 100% when our counterpart is only giving 50%?
- Does your sense of settling come from comparison or what’s actually sitting in front of you?
Then we even discussed excerpts from two very different articles.
An Excerpt from XO Necole:
People always talk about communication being the key to a lasting relationship, and that’s true. But no one really told me how important it is to compromise. If we fail to compromise for each other, then we fail to harmonize together. Even though it’s difficult, there are times when you have to sacrifice your plans or your wants for the other person. –Shonda White
An Excerpt from Very Smart Brothas
They’re firmly convinced that they can’t settle for less than the very best, but the “s” word sandbags people who don’t realize that every single person in any marriage or long-term relationship settles to some degree. – Dustin Seibert
Last but not least, we hit our Self-Reflection questions for the afternoon. Listed below. Feel free to also answer them for yourself in your journal!
1. Do you think the fear of settling has kept you from something amazing?
2. Have you ever felt that compromise always means that one person will be unhappy?
3. When you hear the term, “dying to flesh” what does that mean to you? Are you ready to die to flesh daily?
4. How do you decipher between compromise and settling? Do you think you would be able to easily identify the difference?
The last exercise we did which was revealing:
I want you to think of all the qualities that you want in an ideal partner. Once you have that list and envision that person, ask yourself, are you the type of person they would date?
I hope that you’ll join us the next time around! Look out for deets for the next Dear Love Brunch around March! Be sure to sign up for the For Dreamer's Only newsletter to stay up to date on all events!
Photo: Sola Onitiri