It surprised me how completely unaware we can be about the atmosphere that we create. The other day, I was talking to my mother about how comfortable my 20-year-old niece is talking to her. She confides in her and I see that. One of the conclusions that we came to in that conversation is that so many people feel comfortable talking to my mother because they rarely feel judged. I guess often, they feel they are getting an objective opinion and it causes them to open up. This got me thinking about the importance of creating a loving space in our relationships for our loved ones to feel comfortable.
Something that was revealed to me through reading the Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer was that I am way more judgmental than I may have ever thought I was. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like we all kind of make judgments, but I realize that I can sometimes not be as understanding as I may have thought. I am being really honest here. Sometimes I look at people and think “What in the world were you thinking?” Ha! And that may not create an atmosphere of comfort to really talk to me. And so since reading that book, it has really been my prayer to bind that judging spirit. It’s really not from a place of malice, please understand, but it is just from a space of really high expectation for the people closest to me. Don’t worry, I am not judging you, I promise!
In either case, I realize that sometimes people don’t necessarily want to open up to me because of how they perceive me. This year I am really focused on my actions lining up with my intent. I feel like the most misread person ever in life! And so because I am a person who is constantly focused on growth, and being better, there are some times when people think that I am not suffering from the SAME exact things they are. What I will say though is that I just have a low tolerance for excuses. My shortcomings, I accept. I really do. I own them and I work diligently to break my bad habits. SO when people want to tell me that it’s everybody else and not them and this happened and that happened, I really do have a short tolerance for that. But I truly want to learn how to be a bit more compassionate so that they may be more accepting to the wisdom that I feel I have in the area of learning that the only thing you can control in life is you.
So, saying ALL of that to say, that it is extremely important that we create an environment of comfort and openness and love for one another. Sometimes in our romantic relationships our space can ever so quickly become a warzone and it’s just not healthy for anyone to constantly walk on eggshells or be afraid they might hit a mine that will detonate the wrath of their significant other. In addition to letting go of our judgment and low tolerance policy, how can we begin to create loving space for our romantic relationships and even just our general loved ones?
Click to Tweet/// Sometimes the space is our romantic relationships can no sooner become a warzone instead of a loving space.
Well, I think especially with relationships it can really start with being a great listener. There was a night recently where I finally just let my significant other TALK! LOL. I wasn’t thinking of what I wanted to say next, I wasn’t trying to interject, I just let him process all of his thoughts. Do you know how important that is to someone? Especially men, ladies, because we’re more often the interjectors. I’m just saying. But nonetheless, he woke up the next morning like, “That was a great talk.” And I felt so proud of myself, because I felt that I truly let him express himself which will make him more willing to open up in that way. I wasn’t rushing him or anxious but truly just giving him the floor so to speak.
We also can set the atmosphere of love with small actions. I am big on things like an exciting “Good morning!” when I see him or buying his favorite breakfast to make or whatever the case may be. Start early and be diligent in setting the tone for the day. Does he have a favorite paper that he goes to buy every morning? Go grab it for him and have it waiting. Does she journal every morning with a cup of tea? Have the water boiling when she comes out with her journal set on the table with her favorite pen. These are SIMPLE acts that will really make a person feel loved and thought about, creating a space of comfort.
Lastly, I think that we have to be open with our own flaws. So many times we are so hard on the people that we’re with. I mean goodness, there are times they can’t even breathe right without getting on our nerves. Too much? But you know what I mean. I feel there are times we just nitpick so much in our relationships. But I think in the moments when we can lay our pride down and say, “Ugh, you know what I left the dishes in the sink” or “It’s okay babe, I forgot to put gas in the car the other day,” it really helps them to accept their shortcomings too. So often we’re defensive with our loved ones because we think them telling us something about ourselves means that they’re perfect. It doesn’t. We’re all just trying to move through life and figure things out. But when we lay ourselves down and say, “I mess up too,” I think the mood changes and we are so much better able to receive.
Click to Tweet/// In love, you may have to lay yourself down and be vulnerable with your partner about your own shortcomings.
This love thing is a whole challenge and a half at time. It’s being conscious of so many things at times. But it is so important to me that when people encounter me that they feel loved. And so I am working on the things that may make them feel otherwise. You know that saying “cause my heart is good.” Lol. I really mean no harm most of the time, but intention has to match action and so I want to work to create a loving space where people will always feel welcomed and always feel comfortable to let down their hair. And that’s doesn’t mean I will just let you talk crazy talk! I still believe that a lot of us make way too many excuses. But I want you to know that I am speaking truth in love, so that you won’t feel wounded, but empowered.
How do you work on creating a loving atmosphere in your relationship? With your other loved ones?