WRITE | I’m not a Carefree Black Girl

I’m not a carefree black girl but I admire those that are. I was scrolling through Twitter one day and saw a video of a young lady dancing, getting it in by the way with the hashtag #carefreeblackgirl. I tried my best to find it for you, but you know the vast wasteland that is Twitter, it moves very fast. In either case, I loved the video. She did indeed look carefree and I even wanted to try to shake my hips the way she did, but not even my hips are carefree. They’re wound a bit tight, just like me.

Carefree Black Girls

I guess you could say that a carefree black girl gives zero Fs for lack of a better term. For years black women have seemingly been put into box after box and this is finally a generation that is standing up and saying not anymore. I love it because I am a rebel at heart but sometimes not so much in practice. See I am the black girl confined by what is deemed “appropriate” behavior in public space. I am the black girl that feels she has to carry herself in a certain way to get respect. I am the black girl who grew up in an environment that said “if you wear this, people will think this.” Though currently, I do my best to push boundaries on the pre-conceived notions of what a woman and more importantly a black woman should be, I would never classify myself as carefree.

Click to Tweet/// This is the generation that's standing up and saying "Not anymore" to the boxes black women have been put into. 

I have a lot of cares. I have a lot of apprehensions and a lot of constraints. And if I am being honest, sometimes it’s a little hard to even separate those constraints from my own personality vs. what society has deemed appropriate. For instance dress. I think people should be able to wear whatever they want. I repeat, wear whatever you want. However, for myself, I just don’t feel like I can expect the same respect in revealing clothing as I can in more modest apparel. And I know people went HAM on Ayesha Curry for this, but as I mentioned this is MY PERSONAL preference. I could never speak to what someone else chooses to wear. But I’m not sure really if my personality is modest or if I am sleep (the opposite of woke right?) to the societal structure that has me brainwashed to think so.

Listen, all I remember is this one day when tights first made their way back into fashion rocking them with a LONG shirt, might I add that was a little fitted and heading off to class at Temple. The attention that I got was uncanny and I am no types of the thick. LOL. I’ve been tiny most of my life. But people were gawking, having comments, etc. It was so bad that I asked my boyfriend at the time to bring a pair of jeans from home, where we lived together to SCHOOL! So that I could change into a regular pair of pants. Now, whether those men had a right to do that or not? Sure, probably not. But do I care enough to EVER wear something that would garner that type of attention ever again by myself? NO!

So I constantly feel these internal battles. I mean ultimately I am a person who does not always identify with what society deems sexy. I talked about that in another blog post. I’ve always been the girl who would opt for showing off my back or shoulders over cleavage. I am a little tomboyish and girly all at the same time. These things I definitely know about myself. But watching the video of that girl, looking like she didn’t have a care in the world, definitely was encouraging in this weird, silly way. It was just a dance right?

I think I am getting to a new place and new comfort level within myself in a lot of ways. I think I will always be reserved about certain things at this point in my life. But the older I get, the less I care about what anyone else thinks. I no longer need society to accept anything about my blackness because I do. Whether Elle Magazine acknowledges that big booties or timbs have always been in style or not, we know. And yes there are just straight beautiful black women that aren’t exotic or anything else, just black. I’m glad to be growing in that way.

Click to Tweet/// I no longer need society to accept anything about my blackness because I accept it. 

Ultimately, as I write this, I am also realizing that I am okay with not being a carefree black girl. I feel like there is nothing wrong with admiring from afar and saying, wow, I love carefree black girls and not necessarily feeling like there is anything inherently wrong with the fact that I’m not. This, in my estimation is the thing. It’s most important for us to define ourselves for ourselves. Sure some of my upbringing may have helped dictate the more reserved person that I’ve become, but it kind of just is what it is. It doesn’t stop me from living life, from enjoying myself and from having great relationships with other people. Being apologetically yourself no matter what end of the spectrum you fall on is probably the true definition of carefree anyway.

Click to Tweet/// Being yourself no matter what end of the spectrum you fall on is probably the real meaning of carefree anyway. 

People have a lot of thoughts about what they “think” women should be and what they think “black women” should be. But contrary to popular belief we have this vast representation of us that just seems to get ignored. We’re not all neck popping and drink throwing. We’re not all afraid to walk in the rain or to be in touch with our sexuality or any of the other dumb stereotypes that somehow have become law. If anything, a carefree black girl should really represent that variety. This is the variety of black women, take it or leave it but we will no longer conform to your outdated boxes and yes contrary to popular opinion, we are magic.

I love it when these posts come with their own revelations for myself! Ha! Tell me, are you a hashtag #carefreeblackgirl? What do you think constitutes carefree? 

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