It’s inevitable that sometimes you and your partner simply won’t see eye to eye. Sometimes it won’t even be a particular topic, but you’ll just be in completely different moods, one’s up, one’s down, etc. But I am learning that our pettiness is what will turn a simple disagreement or slightly uncomfortable interaction into something much bigger than it has to be.
Just the other day, I felt like my significant other wasn’t really in the greatest mood. And I got it, I mean he had some trying things go on throughout the course of the day. But after understanding and understanding, eventually you find yourself giving them the side eye, like “Get over it buddy and stop treating me cold.”
So I reached that point in the midst of getting our dinner together. And as I was about to get something, a napkin or something like that for myself, I thought about the fact that I was about to be petty by not asking if he needed one too. Now, this may seem very insignificant but believe me the pettiness is scalable.
So for instance, you two have a disagreement and you’re on your way out so you decide not to check in because they worked your nerve. Or you don’t pick up the dry cleaning he or she needed for an important interview the next day because they seem unappreciative. Am I talking to myself here or do you get it a little?
Sometimes we have adverse reactions to things that really could be solved quickly but our pettiness will keep them going. And so in my situation, I thought to myself, “Petty Wap, ask this man if he also needs a napkin.” Ha! And I did, which can often break the ice when you seem to be rotating on different orbits that particular day. See, all we know is that their behavior is not what we would like it to be, but meanwhile they could really be dealing with some stress, or planning, anxiety or fear about something we know nothing about. At the end of the day, none of us are in great moods all the time, that’s life. We are going to have misunderstandings and downright disagreements. But how you handle them means everything to the lifeline of your relationship.
Stop being petty! I am telling you and myself. You may not see it, but there are some petty things you do when you are not feeling loved and appreciated. In those moments, taking a minute to stop and think, “would I normally do this for this person?” is the best thing. If the answer is yes, don’t try to be contrary to get back at them for hurting your little feelings. You wouldn’t like it if they did it to you. For instance my significant other normally holds the door open for me. If because he is feeling slighted by me he let the door slam in my face, I wouldn’t care what I did to make him feel that way. I would just have an adverse reaction.
Pettiness, is really just immaturity. An inability to say, “Hey, are you okay because you seem a little grumpy today?” Or “It really hurt me when you said x, y, and z.” That is key communication that’s necessary for relationships to flourish.
Have you found yourself being petty in your relationship? How is that working for you?