Although the question posed in the newly released Well-Read Black Girl anthology was, “When did you first recognize yourself in literature?” I couldn’t help but seem to think about not necessarily feeling representing on the annual festival stage.
The first time we took our new dog to the vet, I was an emotional train wreck. She started rattling off shots that I thought he already had at the shelter, the dog was wild while my husband tried to calm him down, and my bill was about $140 over the $50 I anticipated. “What the hell had I done?” was resounding loudly in my head as I literally broke into tears in between the Vet going in and out of the room.
Last year, I found the productivity matrix. I was working the job, then working after the job and almost forgot about having a life, a husband, and anything else in between. Everyone online had been telling me that the only reason I wasn’t where I wanted to be was because of me and I simply couldn’t let that be the case.
I was falling apart at the end of last year. I was busy at my work hustle, behind on my full-time dream, and trying to buy a house. There was a lot going on, to say the least. So, coming into the New Year, I felt completely drained and needed to make my sanity the first priority. In that, I decided that I needed to do less, in a more impactful way.
Somehow, I only remember to order a planner on the first day of the New Year. But let me explain. As the year winds down, I know that I need a planner. I start to think about planners and even shop around for them. I start to think of features that I would want to have included in my planner and then I mull over whether I should use the same planner or switch.
I haven’t written “end of the year” posts much. But I felt inclined this year because well, 2017 has been a tough one. Not just tough, as there have been many great triumphs as well, but the emotional and sometimes even physical burdens we’ve endured collectively has been a lot. And the best way I have always found to cope is through community and sharing.
I’ll start with some of the amazing things that happened.
I was one of those people where I had my whole life planned out before high school. I knew I was going to Duke, I was going to be married by 26 and thought I knew who I was going to marry and what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I didn’t know that life was about to happen and change my plans. I didn’t know how to adapt to the change of not being in my dream career path.I was feeling pretty lost and had no idea where to go next. I felt like I settled for the things I was good at and kept thinking about my dream. I kept thinking about what another path I was supposed to take and how I was going to find it.