WRITE | The Baggage of Feeling Sexy

In a conversation with my significant other, we came to the conclusion that being sexy is really about two elements, being comfortable and confident.
Photo: BlackStockImages

Photo: BlackStockImages

So I don’t know where I’ve been, but lately I have watched all types of old clips from the first season of The Real and I absolutely love the show! Ha! I saw a few episodes here and there but with work, I rarely get a chance to actually check it out. I love their transparency on the show. Bottom line, no one on TV is talking about the issues they talk about as openly and honestly as they do and I am so here for it. I stumbled across a clip called “Baggage Check” where the ladies discussed some of the baggage that they carry along with them and I was surprised to hear Tamera Mowry-Housley talk about her insecurity with being labeled the cute but goofy twin instead of the “sexy” one.

I remember talking to my mom about the episode and she completely didn’t get it. HA! She even said “And she cried?” But ultimately we all have our own issues and “baggage” and I kind of got it. Though I am not sure that it has been enough of a battle for me to get emotional over, I’ve definitely had my struggles with the “cute” or “non-exoticness” of my sexy. And in my mind it’s perfectly normal to want to feel sexy, desired, and sought after in that way. My mom is a little different but special kind of lady. Love you mom.

But nonetheless, after I thought about it more, I thought, what exactly was Tamara comparing herself to? There are all types of sexy and some of it is cute sexy, tomboy sexy, sex kitten sexy and many more I’m sure! So what people thought she was different than her sister, it’s really up to us to embrace and learn how to love our OWN type of sexy!

In a conversation with my significant other, we came to the conclusion that being sexy is really about two elements, being comfortable and confident. Men find women sexy in general. So after that it is really up to us to figure out how best we want to convey our sexiness to the world. I have seen two completely contrasting images of women appear equally sexy! And those two attributes were the common thread. No matter what they were wearing, they radiated sexy in the way that only they could. I mean take a look at the image below! So different! All sexy!

Images of beautiful black women

For me it has taken some time for sure to really hone in on how I want to be sexy and celebrate my womanhood and I know I am not the only one. I remember this past July at the BBB Series in DC, a young lady spoke about one night when she decided she was going to do “sexy” and wore something that made her completely uncomfortable. The whole night she received compliments but completely felt outside of herself by trying to go with what “society” will try to make you believe is sexy. Been there done that and have a few body con dresses to prove it. HA! But remember we talked about that whole comfort thing? If you are not comfortable, believe me, you are giving off discomfort not necessarily sexy.

At the end of the day, I had to accept that I am not your Amber Rose or Draya kind of girl. I am a little tomboyish and a little girlie and I FINALLY learned how to make those things work together for my own unique style of sexy. Cue Aaliyah record because she was the queen of that mix. I also have lived enough to learn that we don’t have to pigeon hole ourselves either! We can be modest, we can be a little more flirty or tight or sexy when we want to be. It is okay for us to be the variety of a woman.  We don’t have to let society force us to choose what type of “woman” we are. If you feel like the body con cool. If you don’t great! It’s your choice!

And yes there are more important things to worry about like education and world peace and whatever. But guess what, in the midst of all those things, women still want to feel sexy! We just can’t continue to let others dictate what that actually means to us!

Have you ever felt like you struggled with accepting your sexy or feeling like the cute one instead of the sexy one? How have you been able to accept who you are?

Take a look at the clip from The Real! Let me know what you think in the comments.