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  • Dear Love - I Write Better Than I Speak ... Sometimes

    I’m not sure how much more redundant we can be about the importance of communication in relationships. But somehow it seems like we still haven’t gotten the message. What is it about being able to accurately express yourself to another person that leaves us failing miserably?

    Would the excellent communicators please stand up? Some of us like myself need to study you. Somewhere along the way I’ve learned that I excel in communicating in writing and not so much when it comes to speaking with my significant other. But the older I get, the more important it has been for me to enhance my communication skills. It’s honestly the only way a relationship can survive.

    So where do I fail at communicating? Let me count the ways. Lol. No I am not that bad but I have noticed a few things about myself that could use work. I have a tendency to shut down if I think what I have to express could possibly be irrational. The fact of the matter is, we all have irrational feelings sometimes. But the only way to get through them is to express that to the other person. Keeping it all in really just builds resentment and can be catastrophic long term.

    I also don’t have a great medium when it comes to communicating. I either know how to be really nice about something that’s bothering me or not so nice about it. You have to be able to speak the truth in love. You can still be kind without putting your feelings on the back burner. For me it’s been all about learning the balance.

    One thing is for sure, when I finally do articulate properly what’s in my head, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. It always clears the air  and my partner in crime, most often understands where I’m coming from. Sometimes it takes a few rounds of explanation but nonetheless, we come to an understanding. 

    You feel it, say it. You want to fix something, do it. You miss them, tell them. It has to be as simple as that! I beg of you, just know that you will truly have a hard time succeeding in a relationship without enough trust to tell someone how you feel. You should be with someone who welcomes your thoughts and your feelings and who won’t judge you because of them but will do all they can to help rectify those feelings.

    Happy Communicating! And if you have some tips, feel free to share! 

  • WRITE - Authenticity of Your Voice

    It would make complete sense that after attending a church named Authentic Life over the last 8 months that I would find myself in this exploration of authenticity. Right? Either way, it has just been heavy on my brain lately. It seems that in today’s society it’s become increasingly difficult for people to remain their authentic selves. We live in a time of gangs and groups and this odd uniformity. Those that stand out are often cast into a space all their own and individuality is hard to seek while being bombarded with so many outside sources of what’s “cool.”

    Nonetheless, I find myself meditating on being my authentic self. By subscribing to social media and constantly peering into the lives of others, I can admit that my authenticity is something that I have to remember to be conscious of at some times. For instance you may see someone receiving gratification for something and think, ok what can I do more like that to garner that attention? I mean a lot of people won’t admit to that, but if that's the case you may be in denial. 

    It’s in those moments that I literally have to cast aside that feeling and sometimes I even say out loud “what God has for me, is for me.” I am not like anyone else. I am the only me. How can I try to build a blueprint off someone else’s measurements? It would make absolutely no sense. Same with our lives. We have to trust our voice. The one that comes from our deep.

    I have found that I literally have to take time to center myself and spend time inward to focus. “Stay the course” has been highly resonating with me. It makes me think of how certain exercises don’t seem like they work when you are trying to tone up. But you have to just continue doing it, even when the results aren’t apparent at first. Then you look up and see that those muscles have developed later. It’s the same with life.

    I don’t know about you, but sometimes I can get feelings of “Am I working so hard in vain?” But that’s silly. This is the preparation. This is the building phase. Once it manifests, you will wish that you had more time to reflect. Everything, everything, everything is working together for our good and for a purpose.  You will never find it if you don’t remain authentic. It’s the moment that you are trying too hard to be something or someone else that the route of your journey gets twisted and turned.

    As a writer, I am trying to be true to what I have to say. There are certain things that God has placed in my heart to say. It can only come from me. That means no matter how many books or blogs there may be on a topic, I am the only one who can say it the way that I am saying it through my own personal experiences. It’s so important to know that. The internet has made it increasingly difficult to hear yourself over the noise. It’s made it difficult, at least for me to feel like what I have to say can somehow stand out among the crowd. But it’s my voice I have to trust. It’s my authenticity I have to trust.

    I encourage you to trust your voice as well. It’s important. “Stay the course” of the things you feel you are called to do or say. And do you best to block out what’s happening around you. Not that you can’t observe, praise and indulge in what’s around you, but DO not let it discourage you, do not let it infiltrate your trust.

    Does that make any sense? I hope so. Lol. Just something I’ve been thinking about. 

  • WRITE - In the Stillness of the Morning

    I like to try to get up about an hour or so before I have to start work. I recently started working from home which is great, because I don’t have to commute. Lol. But those couple hours in the morning are so precious. It’s the moment when it’s quiet and reflective and I find myself wanting more and more time in the morning each day.

    It’s like my primetime to write anything. Somehow once the day gets moving, I can’t settle my brain to actually formulate the things I want to say. I’ve had to start writing down ideas because I will have a million during the day, but I never get the chance to write them out.

    This current moment, I am thinking about detox. I think that part of the reason it’s so hard to write is because my day is filled with so many time consuming distractions. I mean clearly I work, so that needs my attention, but even on breaks, it’s hard for me to settle my mind to be productive in my writing. One of my main goals this year is to be more consistent with content for you all. I have so many ideas, that I can just never get in the right mind frame to write.

    It definitely feels like my mind needs a rest. And thankfully, I will be going on a vacation in August, but I think even before then, I need to figure out how to calm my mind. I’ve been thinking about the fact that I don’t really have many routines at all. Every day is kind of different and varies and something about routine seems calming.

    Maybe it’s the fact that I am aging, but I am looking for some stability in my life. Not boring, but not the “all over the place” my life has been. Something about my mornings feel grounded and foundational. When I don’t get that time, the day is pretty much a whirlwind. I guess how I feel about the morning, some people feel about the night. I am so worthless late. Lol. I’ve tried to be super productive at 1 and 2 am, but I’m just not there these days.

    What do you find is your best time of day? Most calming?

  • New Section | Dear Love

    Hey! Welcome! Most of you know that my first book was entitled Dear Love! Well, now all posts from the blog relating to love and relationships will be featured in the "Dear Love" category. Nothing tricky!  Just making sure that you will be in tune to some of the changes with the blog and know where to find your favorite pieces.

    Looking forward to continuing to explore love and relationships with you guys. I know I am constantly learning how to be a better partner in life.

  • WRITE - Brunching Made Me Think

    I guess I am learning a ton at this particular point in my life. Most recently, I feel I am learning a lot about my path and my journey as a person. Something stuck out to me today thinking about how fortunate I am at this point in my life. Each step, each path, each heartache and each victory I have experienced has brought me to this very point and you truly do have to count it all joy.

    Ever since I was young I have had extraordinary dreams. Though I went through various stages of who or what I wanted to be, a dancer, business woman, etc., the one thing I knew for sure was that I didn’t want to be ordinary. Whatever that means, but I just felt like I was someone special. (We all are, but sometimes don’t take the necessary steps to reveal that to the world.) But it’s been a long journey.

    We spend so much of our lives in school. Everything is centered on school and friends. And you think you are being prepared for life but at this stage in my life, I realize I wasn’t at all prepared for what it takes to really begin to find your purpose.

    I always say that I have been a writer since the beginning of time. I used to write short stories and poetry as a kid and eventually began pursuing songwriting after college. Anything that I decide I want to do, I commit to and go hard. So I was making my connections and working and getting into a groove. What often happens in life though is that you come to some sort of crossroads and just have to evaluate if things are really for you. I realized that as much as I love to write I hate the music business. And I also felt like I had a lot more to say than three minutes and thirty seconds would allow.

    Though I am still writing music. I haven’t just dumped it, I also threw my focus into my blog and into my book, Dear Love. In that time I also started the BBB Series which promotes positive images of women of color. And I’ve reached a point in my life where I feel extremely fulfilled.

    But there is always that fear. I pretty much have propelled myself into a new arena late in the game in my opinion. For so long I was putting all my effort in music that I couldn’t imagine myself adding to that plate. And so there is that feeling of starting over and sometimes I am discouraged because I want to be farther along than I am. But I am constantly reminded to remain focused and take my life step by step.

    So that longwinded backstory to say, hahaha, today at the Dear Love Book Club brunch, I never felt more like I was moving in the right direction. This was a pivotal moment for me in that it may not always be about speaking to hundreds or thousands, but making a lasting connection with a few can be life changing.

    I am so thankful to the women, some my friends, that came to chat with me about my book and a lot of the concepts in love. But it turned into us just sharing. Talking about how we are afraid to be vulnerable, talking about our lack in faithfulness to love. I felt in the soles of my feet that this is exactly where I belong - connecting people and encouraging them to share their stories to help others. That’s what Dear Love is all about. Opening up about my life lessons in love in hopes that it may speak to someone else.

    It’s in the personal connection through my words that I am settling into purpose. I know that my life has an extraordinary meaning. But we cannot despise humble beginnings. I am building, I am growing and maturing and I look forward to all that God has for me. I am smitten about your outpouring of love when it comes to the book and all that I do. It makes me feel that God is saying “keep going,” with every email, Instagram or Facebook message about the book or the blog. What an amazing Sunday. Thank you to all those that attended and those that wanted to be there.

     

     

  • First | Episode 8 - The First Confession

    The finale! I know I am not the only one who desparately does not want this web series to end. I mean come on, 8 episodes that are only 15 minutes? We need MORE! lol. 

    But nonetheless, I thought this was a really gut wrenching episode. We're feeling all the drama of the family issues that Charlie and Robin are going through. Robin is dealing with her parents separation clearly impeding her ability to think clearly about love. And Charlie is dealing with a sick mother that is probably making him realize what's really important in life. 

    I guess I am just so sad because I hate oddly unresolved relationship issues. I feel like things just get dragged out ridiculously long and can often add more damage than necessary. It's HONESTLY about communication. Period. We say this time and time again but we seem to still suck at being able to communicate openly with our significant others about our feelings. 

    My personal opinion, she shouldn't have left. I am a firm believer in dealing with the hard stuff. The fact remains that their initial fight was silly. And everyone got hurt. She knew she shouldn't have invited her ex to stay with her and yes he was mean, but that was after seeing her with her ex. 

    Bottom line, they both do love each other and in my opinion Robin is just exhibiting the fear that can be debilitating to letting love truly flourish. 

    I also just want to shout out the music in this series. AMAZING. I have already bought multiple songs that have played throughout. Great music!

    Anywho, watch for yourself below. Whatever will we do until the next season comes? Wahhhh! What did you think about the finale? 

     

  • WRITE - In Pursuit of Right

    I guess you can say that I have been learning a lot about myself over the past couple of years. Maybe hitting the over 25 mark will kind of send you on that frenzy. But all the self-discovery is great! I am starting to think that’s what life is about. Continuously learning and growing until you become some type of greater version of yourself.

    But what I’ve learned about myself recently is that since I can remember I have been in pursuit of being “right” so to speak. As a child I never wanted to get into trouble. I tried my best to do everything right so that I never got reprimanded and was heartbroken the times I actually was. I wouldn’t even ask my parents to do things if I thought that they would say no.

    Fast forward as an adult, I realize that I am still in pursuit of right which is in no way healthy. I have such a harsh reaction in the times that I’ve made mistakes. I just recently learned that I am not perfect in my relationship which I thought was clearly the case. And I also have a hard time communicating feelings if I think that they’re irrational. Not realizing that most feelings are irrational. Lol. They’re fleeting and that’s why you can’t let them dictate your life but you definitely need to express them.

    I’m not really sure where that need to be upstanding comes from. But one thing I know for sure is that I think I am on the brink of being over it. It’s stifling to always want to be on the right side and to be so afraid of screwing up that you don’t try or do or say anything.

    So many of us are in this pursuit of perfection, not realizing that we’ll always fall short. I hear my friends talk about wanting to do more for their kids when they’re some of the greatest mothers I know. I hear people talk about wanting more in their careers, when they have amazing jobs in their fields. Everyone wants a different body than they have. Not to say that we should ever be complacent, but what happened to appreciating who and where we are?

    I am pretty certain that in pursuing right, many have ended up with nothing at all. Have you ever been in an argument that went so far to prove you were right and the damage was irreversible? What’s being right if you have nothing at all? No one to share your life with and nothing to show for?

    I’m learning that the growth is in the mistakes. As hard as it is for me to accept them, they’re molding me into someone flawed, but fantastic all the same.

    Any cool self-discoveries you’ve been on to lately? 

  • First | Episode 7 - The First ...

    I guess we all just have to infer what the ellipsis is, but I think we’ve all been there. What happens after a fight is sometimes more crucial than the actual fight. In this episode we see that Charlie is ignoring Robin’s calls and Robin is being silly as a result of that.

    The biggest takeaway it seems from this conflict they’re having is really communication. People talk about communication all the time, but I think that sometimes we’re confused about what that even really means, myself included.

    It was definitely not smart on Robin’s part to think that Charlie wouldn’t be upset about her ex staying with her, but he also should have expressed that. Clearly Love Jones-esque, but I love Charlie and Robin so much together and it’s sad that in reality, stupid things like this actually break up relationships all the time.

    We’re so afraid to be vulnerable and it can be the demise of something great. The season finale is July 9th. What will I do when this is over? Lol. I love that fact that it just feels so real. All the topics that they are hitting are so poignant in real life relationships!

    For like point two seconds I thought I was going to cry on this one. lol. Does anyone else get mad when your tears don't just make your man forget why he was mad? haha. I feel like tears are the automatic white flag. 

    If you haven’t caught this episode yet, check it out below!

    Have you ever let lack of communication ruin something great? Or let something go too far? 

     

  • WRITE - A Few Womanly Tips on Class

    Call me old school, call me a prude, but lately I have felt like what in the heck has happened to women? At a certain time it seemed that we had it all together, getting college degrees, excercising our comfort in our own bodies, meeting the right men, but then something happened. Maybe it was ratchet reality TV or something, but I feel that certain etiquette and just classiness that women used to have has gone out of the window. Call it feminism if you want to, but that is not a cover up to be out here wild and not having an idea of how to conduct yourself.

    I took the time to put together a few tidbits that I wanted to share about a few things that bother me. In my estimation these are just some things that have gotten lost in the fold of folks trying to be cool or liberated or something. These tips below may not be for you, but in the event that they aren’t share it with a lost friend or cousin, we all have them. They are pretty random and not in any particular order.

    -        When speaking to a male that’s with a female companion, you acknowledge their companion in addition to your acquaintance. Believe me it will go a lot farther than you acting super familiar and friendly with the male and giving the woman they’re with the cold shoulder. Even if it's not his girlfriend or wife, it's just kind. 

    -        Know that if you buy dresses from cheap stores that you can probably see through them. Cheap dresses don’t have lining, buy a slip, please.

    -        Speaking of undergarments, if you are wearing body form anything that you don’t have the body for, invest in spanks. On that same note turn around at least once in a full length mirror to see what your underwear look like underneath your clothing. Please.  If you can see your underwear in any capacity, the outline, the print; they are probably the wrong ones.

    -        STOP trying to steal other women’s men. The reality is, if someone did it to you, you would be heart broken. And you are competing for a man that has proven he is capable of being unfaithful. No one cares if you think you are better in the bed than his wife, half the time, it won’t even be his intention to leave his wife and in the event that he does, it won’t be long before someone is proving that they are better than you. Besides when did being second best become acceptable?

    -        Know that our beauty can CO-EXIST. Just because you think that you are beautiful and God’s gift to the Earth does not mean that you have to constantly be in competition with the next woman. We can all be beautiful in our own right. It is okay, I promise; there are enough men on this Earth if that is your fear. Which determining your value based on the affections of a man is a whole blog post in itself.

    -        Being smart is sexy! I don’t know where we got it twisted; thinking that the only way to be sexy is to have your behind tooted in the air for an Instagram photo. It’s not. A confident, intelligent woman is sexy. It is okay to take pride in and be comfortable in your body, BUT believe me; a little mystery will help you not hurt you.

    -        Everyone is not a celebrity. So trying to wear the clothes, weaves, and eyelashes that celebrities wear is just not working. Let Nicki Minaj be the example. The second she toned her look DOWN, she became irresistible. Sometimes less really is more. Let your light shine, don’t put on so much armor that it dims your light.

    -        What happened to speaking like a lady? I’m sorry but we have filthy mouths. Clean it up. It’s not cute to speak like a sailor. Clean it up and bring it down a few decibels while you’re at it. And fighting is not cute. Stop it. You look crazy and I am sooo tired of seeing videos of women fighting. 

    There are so many influences on us today that try to make certain behavior acceptable. Just because it's the norm, does not mean that it's how we are supposed to act. Remember class will never go out of style and I just hope that a lot of the rampant behavior I see on the daily basis is simply a fad. 

  • Dear Love Book Club Brunch

    Don't worry, there is no long term commitment. LOL. We are just getting together to talk about Dear Love the book now that it's been out for over 3 months! Can you believe it? 

    Well after reading, my best friend called me up and said "I bookmarked some of the things I agreed with and disagreed with." What are friends for right? But it gave me the idea to bring everyone back together after reading to see what you thought! 

    It's a fluid conversation. Our lessons in love are continuously changing! I am learning more about love everyday! So I am looking forward to chatting with you about topics from the book. 

    Join Us at Mixto Restaurante for an amazing three-course brunch and free mimosa! You can register now by heading to the WLD Store to secure your spot! This is a limited capacity event, so be sure to register early. See you all soon!