I have to look out for my guys here on this one. As I was out shopping for the holidays, I realized that I really have a hard time spending large sums of money at once. I get hot, slight anxiety and even a little nervous. But as I was shopping for my BF, I realized that he never hesitates when it comes to getting something costly for me. In general he has truly helped me to let go of my unhealthy relationship with money, but that’s another story. The moral of this story is that sometimes you have to remember to treat your man just as special as you want to be treated. So I bought a couple things for him without hesitation.
Don’t get the wrong impression, I’m not stingy with him. Lol. If anything he has taught me how to be extremely giving. But what I am trying to show is the difference sometimes in what men will do for us that we have a hard time reciprocating. I remember in a past relationship that being one of the things that came up when the relationship began unraveling. He may have even said, “I want to feel special too.” And now that I am more mature, I finally get it.
Sometimes as women, we want them to think of dates, send us flowers, call just because, get us great and expensive gifts and much more. But what I am wondering is how willing we are to do some of those same things for our men? Now clearly, men don’t like some of the same things we do. But I am certain that they also can appreciate when we plan a date, or schedule a trip to the spa for them as well.
I noticed it most in my past relationship when it came to birthdays. Mine were always pretty grand and well thought out by him and somehow mine always seemed a little lack luster. Like I couldn’t get plans together in time or never could quite get him the ultimate gift he wanted. I can admit that I can see how that would be an issue. Knowing this, I am so much better with those things in my current relationship and do my best to think of thoughtful plans and things for us to do together and to make him feel like I really thought about him.
You may be thinking, “Well, Ashley clearly you were just unthoughtful.” And that’s fine, I may have been, but one, I know there are others out there like me, and two, I believe that sometimes we as women can get so caught up in what we want our man to do that we’re not thinking about what we can also do for them.
Maybe it’s not flowers but it’s turning on ESPN when he walks in the door and letting him watch a bit before going ham on how our day went. Or maybe it's cooking his favorite meal. It’s not about the actual thing you do for the person as much as making sure that some of those same special surprises and thoughtful things that you are looking for, also come from you from time to time.
My Pastor says it best. “What if we just tried to out-love one another?” If both parties in the relationship are being thoughtful about what the other wants and needs, then I’m sure there would be a lot happier relationships in abundance. Trouble comes in when we start to put “me” first ALL the TIME. Yes we have to love ourselves and do things that make ourselves happy, but if you never want to think of another person first and sometimes put your feelings aside, then you should just stay single.
I think I was a lot more spoiled back then. And even though I still am. LOL. Blame my parents and my wonderful BF, I think I know how to balance that out a lot better now and hopefully help him to feel a little spoiled as well. Though sometimes I have to check myself, all and all, I am much better.
What do you think? Are you sometimes having all the expectations of your partner and not giving the same way in return?